Are You a Victim of the Victim Mentality?

For a period of time, my workday started with a colleague who would skype me upon me logging into my computer.  The typical conversations that went after a morning greeting would go like this:

“Did you know she just asked for the report without giving me the details and expected me to just deliver it the next day?  It’s always me doing her work.  How is this fair?”

“It will just be me again today, to set up the room for the lunch talk.  I am sure her offer of help will be her appearing after I am done.”

“You know, I could have completed the set up and leave work on time, if not for her turning up at 530pm, to make nonsensical readjustment to the set up.”

“The XX team is at fault for causing this problem.  They are the ones who have not provided the full information in the spreadsheet before deadline.  How can they expect me to know what they have provided in between the lines after the deadline, after I have completed my follow-ups?”

And no, she was not at fault, even though she did not take initiative to seek clarification or inform her supervisor about the time she would need help.  Neither was she at fault for not setting up the room as per instructions nor was it her work scope to remind XX team about the deadline. 

Sounds familiar?  If so, you could be working with someone with a “victim mentality.” At first you listen with concern, then you get a bit bored with all their self-pity. You then get annoyed as their constant blaming of others for their own failings. Fast forward to a couple of years later, I ended up being the supervisor of this colleague.  It was a challenging task for a reluctant leader with a life goal of avoiding conflicts.  I had hard knocks but the experience allowed me to learn to be comfortable with conflicts and to have tough conversations.

What is Victim Mentality?

Someone with a victim mentality feels that they are beset by the world, and are always at a disadvantage because of other people’s machinations or lack of consideration.  However, it may not be just fate that causes a “victim” to experience more difficulties than other people.  They may actually be seeking out disappointment because secondary gains, where not resolving a problem can actually have benefits.

For example, my colleague might have felt pleasure when she received words of concern or attention as a result of her unfortunate situation.  Refusing to accept responsibility for a problem can be satisfying, too.

Beyond the commonly observed behaviour of blaming others, not taking accountability and having a negative outlook, someone with a victim mentality tends to be less receptive to constructive feedback, as they may view it as an attack, instead of an opportunity for growth.  This resistance will hinder their professional growth and development.

Impact of Victim Mentality at the Workplace

Managing a team member with a victim mentality is not just challenging for the manager, but also for the team.  The negative impacts can broadly be categorised into the following 3 areas:

1. Impact on productivity.  They may make mistakes or cause delays that could be prevented just so that they could blame others.  They may highlight some perceived difficulties in their work that may not be existent, resulting in time and effort from stakeholders coming together to discuss to resolve the perceived problem.
2. Impact on relationships and team morale.  Their pessimistic outlook and constant complains can wear down the team’s overall mood.  In addition, other team members who have experienced being blamed for helping out or being blamed as the cause of their problems, may have strained relationships.
3. Impact on trust.  Given that they believe everything that befall upon them are beyond their control (it’s always fate, bad luck or other people’s fault), it is unlikely for their managers to trust them with important tasks as they could not be expected to take responsibility for the outcome.

Managing a Team Member with a Victim Mentality

No doubt, it is challenging to manage a team member with a victim mentality.  In my experience, the key challenge lies with them unlikely to want any form of help, and will react negatively to any attempts to change their behaviours or mindsets.

After all the hard knocks, trials and errors and reflections, I came to realise that my role as a manager does not include being a therapist.  I have to focus on the things that would enable the various team members to perform well in their roles.  To do so, I have to set forth a clear strategy to manage performance effectively.  I had practiced some of these while a couple of additional pointers are added upon my further reflection of the experience.  I hope the below will be useful for anyone facing a similar situation.

1. Set clear goals and boundaries.  Communicate the expected standards of behaviours and performance targets clearly.  It is important that the “victim” understands and agrees to these expectations.  You will need to set deadlines and milestones for check-ins, so that you have leverage to maintain control.  However, this may end up being very effort intensive and you being perceived as micro-managing if the “victim” does not improve in the short term.  This will subsequently lead to the situation in step 5.
2. Keep detailed records.  Document your observations, actions taken and the work you have delegated.  The evidence will allow you to understand what is going on and to counter accusations of you being unfair, if that arises.
3. Encourage personal accountability and establish clear communications protocols.  The team should be informed that it is their responsibility to flag out or highlight potential issues in their work or projects.  This allows other team members to flag out potential delays and prevent the “victim” from allowing the delay to become a serious problem which they could use to blame someone later on.
   When allowing the team to flag out issues in their work, you will also need to provide them with a safe space to do so, so that this personal accountability that the work, challenges and problems are their responsibility.  This also builds trust and over time, the team will build a culture of a positive mindset towards handling their work issues, understanding that while they could not control all aspects of their work, they could always take control of their responses and overcome the challenges. 
   In managing and supporting the team in this aspect, you will need to walk the talk to flag out issues to your own supervisors, and provide the team with the necessary support, training and coaching to enable them to perform better.  Practice this consistently so that the “victim” will not take opportunity to claim that you have not offered them support to do their job.  The team culture of personal accountability may also nudge the “victim” to do the same over time.
4. Strengthen team bonds.  It is important to pay attention and ringfence time to strengthen team bonds.  This can be built in routine team meetings via small activities, such as expressing gratitude or appreciation, giving recognition to the team’s effort in delivery on tasks, going the extra mile, etc.  This will demonstrate to the “victim” that not everyone is out to get them, especially when the “victim” receives any appreciation or recognition.
5. Uphold performance standards.  Apply this consistently across the team and do not let the “victim” get away with sub-standard work, delays and unproductive behaviours.  Follow through with your company’s guidelines in managing poor performance or disciplinary process if required.  Be sure to document the meetings and communications and always include a third party in the formal performance management and disciplinary processes so that false accusation of victimisation can be managed.